Written by Peter Mehlman, Directed by John Fortenberry

Guest starring Ian Abercrombie as narrator, Terry Rhoads as interviewer

Co-starring Dawn Heusser as French woman, David Richardson as soundman, Kelly Vaughn as Helen Thomas

"I was immediately smitten. It was smit at first sight. I felt like Jimmy Smits." -Robbie

"I'm crest-fallen. Utterly crest-fallen. My crest has fallen and it can't get up." -Shrug

"I am so sick of people misusing this word literally! How can you literally choke on an option?" -Arthur

"I knew I was in love with Helen because suddenly I lost my sense of humor. I wasn't funny around her anymore." -Robbie

"I told Helen I loved her, and asked her if the feeling was mutual. She said, 'Yes, the feeling is mutual, I love myself too.'" -Robbie
"Well, I thought she just misinterpreted the word 'mutual.'" -Jennifer
"Who misinterprets the word 'mutual?'" -Shrug

"Hey, roaming plans weren't built in a day." -Arthur
"I was very hurt. I felt like William Hurt." -Robbie

"Personally, I think talking about your relationship is always a mistake. If I get married, and my wife says she wants a divorce, I would like it to come as a complete shock." -Arthur

"I don't really have a love-life, I have a like-life." -Helen

"If an ex-boyfriend got over me because the sweatshirt I got him was ugly, I'd rip his collar-bone out." -Jennifer