"If we'd met two years ago I would've left my wife for you." -Mr. Lynch
"Hey, you're in L.A., leave her now." -Shrug
"I can't, she left me a year ago." -Mr. Lynch
"Well, if you get married again, give me a call." -Jennifer

"Your book's not even-handed." -Lauren
"It doesn't have to be, it's art." -Arthur
"But art imitates life." -Lauren
"No, in L.A., art imitates crap." -Arthur
"That crap imitates life." -Lauren
"Life imitates crap." -Arthur
"What, life is crap?" -Lauren
"L.A. life IS crap!" -Arthur
"No one wants to read how L.A. life is crap!" -Lauren

"Mr. Lynch, don't you see, it's the jetlag. In three hours you're gonna realize that this city sucks. Look, New York and L.A. are like antidotes for eachother. When you're sick of L.A. you go to New York for four or five years and you feel wonderful. When you're sick of New York you come to L.A. for like, a day and a half." -Arthur

"It's like, you know...I can't do that." -Elliot Gould

"At least New Yorkers have the decency to lie!" -Mr. Lynch

Written by Jennifer Eolin, Directed by John Fortenberry

Special appearance by Elliot Gould as himself. Guest starring Ernie Grunwold as Ernie, Suzanne Lanza as Danna, Jack Blessing as Mr. Lynch. Co-starring Phil Decker as Room service attendant, Maureen McCommon as Hostess.